*All names have been changed to protect the men's identities.
Can anyone believe that I was about to ‘meet up’ with a guy who calls me the ‘N’ word everyday? And then I was stood up? Let’s call him Jay, the lawyer. Jay was suppose to meet me at my place at 7pm. When it was 7:07PM, I text him:
Me: Hey. Where are you?
Jay: Out. At the bar.
Me: You don't want to come see me?
Jay: You want me?
Me: um…of course. that’s why we are suppose to be making out right now (lol).
After a couple of other texts I told him that if he wasn’t going to stop by, I was going to go out. He said that he couldn’t come hang out at my place because he was ‘stuck’. Later, I asked my guy friends what that meant and they said that he probably found a hotter chick while at the bar. “Jay” texts me constantly about wanting to see my place and make out and when I finally let my guard down, he stood me up??? He’s never really been nice to me anyway.
I met “Jay” on a local dating site, three years ago. We’ve only met in person about four (maybe five) times. Our so called “relationship” has been mostly text messages (and a few sexy phone calls). He’s had a girlfriend (gf) the entire time I’ve known him. I know that it’s wrong to date a married man (and I wouldn’t), but I don’t think it’s wrong to date someone who is in a dating relationship. Anyway, he has never taken me out on a date. Once we were suppose to go to lunch but he told me that he had to take a client out to lunch. So that time, he ended up just driving me to the grocery store and back home. This guy has never taken me on a date. He never called me just to say "hello". He only called (maybe 3 times) just to tell me that he wanted to "fuck me so hard". Yeah, it got my panties wet at the time. However, in retrospect, it was awkward and not hot (lol). He told me that I can never come to his place (though he lives alone). Yeah (sigh)…quite the catch, huh?
We’ve never had any meaningful conversations. All the text have been about sex. Eventhough he was saying the ugliest things to me, I still wanted to 'be with' him. I wanted to believe that he was 'just joking' and didn't really think that I was a "nigger slut". I mean, I had never even had full on intercourse with this guy. I had only seen him in person maybe 4 times? Yet, I was feeling some weird 'connection' to him.
The Craziest Ish!!!
I guess the worse thing about this guy would be the fact that he calls me the ‘N’ word. Yes! I know this sounds crazy. He is Caucasian (Irish) and he says that it “turns him on” because the word is so wrong. It is! He texts things like, “how is my cute nigger girl this morning” and “hi Nigger Slut”. The average female would call this disgusting, but I SWEAR all I seem to attract are the crazy men. If I weren’t laughing so hard, at this, I’d be crying just as hard. Another thing is that he always talked about wanting to have sex with me without condoms. Then he would say, “if you have sex with me, I’ll let you keep the baby.” He’s like a sociopath. He tried everything that he could to get me in bed…even the ‘baby’ thing. Women want babies, but unfortunately for him, I wasn’t one of those women (LOL).
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| Real message from my phone. |
Yeah, I seem like a sex snob but I was taught well by my mother. I was 12 years old when she died but I remember some of her words of wisdom. One thing she used to say was, “Don’t be like me.” She was married to my father when she had all of us, but she was 16 years old when she had the first child and was ‘stuck’. She also ‘preached’ about STDs, boys only wanting sex then leave you with the baby….and all that stuff. Men will not call you for a second, third, and so on date or ‘stay with you’ just because you have sex with him on the first date, necessarily. So, why always have sex with every man you go on first dates with? I’ve only had sex on a first meet…once, and he still calls me for sex today (though I stopped sleeping with Jewish guy two years ago). I text “Happy Hanukkah” to him every year and he asks me to come see him (for sex lol).
Anyway, I put up with Jay’s crap because I don’t believe that there is someone better out there. I finally admitted that to myself last night. People don’t understand the type of men I meet. None of them ever want to get to know me. They ALL want to talk about sex from DAY ONE and they all want to have sex with me (and every other woman for that matter) on DAY ONE. Let me put it out there that Jay and I have only had ORAL sex (he performed it on me). This brings me to the ‘argument’ we had the other day….
The Case For Head Cases:
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| Real text from my phone. |
It seems that men don’t want the women who don’t give in, anymore. Men want the girls who have sex with them on a first date. I did that ONCE and will never do it again. Hell, even if you have sex with a man on a first date, he will still discard you like trash. It seems that no one wants to be 'with' someone in relationship. It's all about 'getting over' and it's really depressing and sad and it makes me kinda angry.
Yes, I’m crazy for putting up with such foolishness. Yes, whatever I get (as far as this relationship goes), maybe I deserve. BUT, I honestly don’t think I can do any better (where it comes to men).
I want to meet ‘the one’. I want to have somewhere to go on the holidays. I want to cuddle with someone and watch a movie at home. I want to walk through Fort Sheridan forest preserve hand in hand with a great guy, but is that a reality…for me?
*all rights reserved. these are my words. please read but do not plagiarize.
